1968: TO BRIGHTON WITH A SNAZZ

Monday, 8 July

Went to school with Simone. Everyone was nice to her, especially Pam, Pat and Tig.

It was interesting what Miss Gateley said in Gen. Eng. - plays with naturalistic sets look old-fashioned. I’ve gone right off them.

Showed Simone the Science Block after lunch. At her school they don’t even have a lab! Had Mrs Greenfield for French. She speaks it the whole time, in her gorgeous accent. Half way through she said, “Ah - une jeune fills que je ne connais pas. Quelle nationalité, Mademoiselle?”! Simone liked everything about school today, including Assembly which they don’t have. She found our skirts rather short.

Tuesday, 9 July

The number of people who told me they loved my pink check dress was incredible.

Miss Pick didn’t come to German so we just chatted. Laura Newsome said her mother is on the verge of a nervous breakdown (because of the menopause) so they’re always having arguments. Mags says her mother has been told she ought to have a hysterectomy, but she’s too nervous to have it and goes around in pain.

After school the coach came and we all set off for Glyn - what had we let ourselves in for? About 20 super weeds joined us. An incredibly awful one sat next to Lucy, with a frizzy whiff of hair over an exceedingly ugly face. Malc (Anya didn’t sit next to him) is short and gangling. First hilarious Glyn event: someone’s mac was passed down the aisle. “For any particular person?” - “No”!

At Kingston we got the river boat, an open one with a canopy over the middle. Us four sat along one edge. Lucy and me looked around and decided there was one ok boy, the chap doing the records, with scruffish clothes and longish hair. His name was Ted. Next to us was a chap I thought was a 6th former but was a 24-year-old teacher! The river was ok but spoiled by some ghastly boarding-type houses although the gardens helped them along. We went through four locks.

On the way back Pam kept seeing people she knew, every five minutes it was “John! hello John!” or “Mick! Mick! hello!” Then I got out my sandwiches which Ted immediately asked for. I gave him one in the end, much to his joy. After some time we went ashore. Several of us went off down a street and found a pub (which was what Ted was after), and tons of others tagged on. The pub was packed. Us lot sat outside and Ted started fooling around with two little children. He was so sweet with them, pretending to punch them up. Then he abandoned fighting them for fighting me! Ted told me the PE teacher is going out with one of the Upper Sixth (I wish I knew who).

Going back on the boat was lovely. Ted and me were the only ones tapping to the music. He kept giving me little glances. I skipped through someone’s ‘Nova’, and Ted read out the horoscopes - amusingly, of course. He stayed next to me the rest of the trip. It was lovely flirting with him as he was so funny; sometimes his face got very close to mine. Obviously he was the most snazz there. Then out came my strawberries and caused a riot. I told Ted he could have one if he knelt down and barked - which he did! He’s like a sheep dog with a lovely mop of hair. Then he wanted more, so I said he could have two if he stood on his head. He did!! Two boys held his legs up while I put a strawberry in his mouth. I love people who are spirited. He suddenly put his hands on my head and turned my face to him, and stared at the aquiline shape of my nose and the way it was “stuck between my eyes in a peculiar way”! I like boys who are impolite - it’s more friendly. When he asked for yet another strawberry he put his face so tight up to mine I had to lean back: I thought he was going to kiss me. Despite his almost crude behaviour he’s terribly nice.

Twice he offered to exchange his Beach Boy records for my Polnareff ones. I didn’t take either up. I’m not fast enough for him. I’d be too embarrassed to be alone with him. I think he thinks I’m genteel and naive.

2020: My fear of snogging was profound. It has a name - philemaphobia. But it didn’t stem from a fear of germs or a disgust of saliva. My fear was of what it could lead to. I’d tested out Tampax and found it to be horrifying: “you have to stick a whole tube inside you.” Around this time, the act of inserting a key into a lock, and the ease (or dis-ease) with which it entered, became a metaphor for the act I most feared. ‘Sexual intercourse,’ as it was chillingly called.

Looking forward to the French boys tomorrow.

Wednesday, 10 July

When I was half way though my toast, Xavier came. Awful snazz! Dark slightly wavy-ish hair, gold-rimmed specs (très français), brown cords, pale blue shirt, mini dark-blue jumper, and chukka boots. I first started to dislike him when Ma spoke to him about Wimbledon. He didn’t even try to sound interested. Picked up Pascal, the other boy. Much easier, but too much like Peter-Jan: obliging, polite and smooth. Pascal was wearing a suit and tie.

All the way down to Brighton, X looked bored. He annoyed me intensely, and kept on smoking. Such a snazz though, so a challenge. First we went to the Royal Pavilion, which is rather extraordinary and in shocking bad taste. X and Pascal kept apart from Simone and me, especially X. I don’t think he likes little pink dresses. He’s not very tall but walks fably with a limp; he broke his leg skiing in February. It was good going around with a couple of snazzies - lots of envious schoolgirls. We walked to the end of the pier. Mr X was bored, I’m sure. Threw stones into the water trying to bounce them - Ma and he very good. Then we went to the Lanes and found a record shop. X likes Otis Redding. Simone has never heard of him - amazing. X wanted to buy ‘Jamping Jack Flash’ but they were all sold out. Went to a cafe and had hot charcoal chops which you ate with your fingers. Spoke about the student uprisings, they’re both left-wing, and what they want to do when they leave school. X wants to be a surgeon, and P an engineer. Then he started being a little less disinterested in me. He’s nice when he puts him mind to it: intelligent, yé-yé, and rather sweet.

Back in the car they spoke Franch and laughed a lot but I didn’t understand much. X and P disagreed on everything, and called each other “mon petit”! X sat in front of me. The dark curls over his collar and his gorgeous profile with the sunglasses made me feel like hugging him. (I remember how Dutronc looked from the back, his shoulders wide and lovely.) Drove to Devil’s Dyke for the view but there were tons of cars and a film lorry. They were filming ‘Oh What a Beautiful War’ - X and P were rather interested. Ma couldn’t see in the rain and backed into a car. We turned on Rosko on Luxembourg, but the thunder made the reception terrible.

When we got home I went up and did my hair. Fortunately I didn’t look too bad. Had tea in the sitting-room and talked about school. I told X I’m doing Racine, and he said “Racine is a descendent of me!” He has an adorable accent; he pronounces 70 ‘seventy’. Chump and Anna-Marie came back from the pool swathed in towels. We all played Labyrinth and listened to Otis Redding. I wish they could have stayed for supper. X is becoming miles more friendly.

Thursday, 11 July

Simone takes ages coming down to breakfast - I can’t think what she gets up to! Of course, she does make her bed.

At school Sandra came rushing up with another French girl. Fantastic clothes. Longish French skirt, two-tone shoes, a blue jumper, a red shirt, bag over shoulder and hair tied back in a bun. Too French to be true and she’s called Chantal. She’s very brown as she comes from Montpelier but I’ve decided she’s too highly strung.

Before Prayers I got hold of Anya and swooningly told her about Mr X. She kept going “oh you’re so lucky, two gorgeous French boys for the next two weeks!” I probably won’t even see them again. Simone said she preferred X too.

‘Mony Mony’ was on T.O.T.P. and ‘Baby Come Back’ is No. 1. We played Cluedo and got giggly with Dad.

Gorgeous news. The Bensted boys are giving a party on Monday night and Xavier is invited.

Friday, 12 July

I’m fed up with making our lunch every day. Luckily Simone only wants two sandwiches.

In Art Appreciation we discussed the differences between classical and abstract painting. Hawkesworth insisted on having an intellectual argument with Miss Lee because she wants to know the reason for everything. I’d rather be ruled by my emotions!

Ma fetched us from school and we went straight to Hampton Court. Had scones and cakes for tea in the modern restaurant: Who should walk by but Chantal - it was full of foreigners! We saw some good pictures, a Breughel snow scene and a 17th-century self-portrait of Peter Olivier - the most gorgeous chap I’ve ever seen. Hampton Court’s flowers are so beautiful against the old brick but we were too late to see the Great Vine.

Played Monopoly after supper. Miles better than I remember it, in fact, great fun. Chump, needless to say, won. Simone is so nice and her English is much better. Pam’s mother has asked us to come over next Saturday. Very nice of her.

Saturday, 13 July

Simone wore a lovely pink skirt and shoes to match. I wore my yellow cords and mini jumper. Bit of a rush getting off as we got up late - I was day-dreaming about X and Ted. Pa drove us and Chump to London.

Went to Heal’s car park where the attendant called Dad “gov’nor!” but found nothing at Heal’s. We hadn’t been there five minutes and Pa goes “unsuccessful”. So annoying. Got a taxi to Liberty’s and managed to get an hors d’oeuvres dish. Whizzed to Russell & Bromley for a bag - they don’t have white bags anymore. Felt so frustrated about presents for poor Mummy I could have cried. Then saw this Italian shop called Gucci, and went in. We got a bag that you can adjust to a long strap, but it’s small and difficult to get into, and it has two horrid little brass knobs. We could paint them though.

2020: Defaming the brass knobs of a Gucci handbag would not find favour with some. This last-hour purchase, given the inappropriateness of the bag, and its embellishments, sounds fairly desperate to me. However, my father loved to spend money! Obliged to wear his brother’s hand-me-downs, he blamed his profligacy on his childhood. Once, in his twenties, he blew a week’s salary on silk underpants from Harrods.

Had lunch at the Piccadilly Chinese restaurant. Simone has never had Chinese food before! I must say, it’s fantastic. Walked down Regent Street, then we parted from Chump and Dad and went off to Carnaby Street. Spent an hour mooching round. It was super: lots of clothes for girls, including gorgeous Shetland jumpers. Tons of French and German - more than English. Got a bus to Trafalgar Square where we wandered through the pigeons and beatniks on the steps. Went to the National Gallery. ‘The Storm’ by Turner is quite fantastic.

The Bensteds and Bondis and all their children came to swim, and so did Pascal. The fuss he makes about his suit! John and Peter (who are 16 and 14) left for a party; I can’t think why Pascal didn’t go with them. Ma did fantastic food: three pizzas, a quiche, two salads, two puddings, and the wicker tray overflowing with fruit.

All the children swam by spot-light. The pool looked fantastic.

Sunday, 14 July

Pouring rain turned into a beautiful day. So lovely for Ma’s birthday. Simone spent the whole morning making her a card out of flowers (it looked so French compared to mine!). Turned DOWN my turquoise skirt.

Grandparents and Auntie Bowyer, who’s very sweet, come for lunch and tea. Had strawberries, raspberries and redcurrants with cream, and a lovely cake Chump made. After tea we went for a walk to Headley. Had to have an aim so decided to collect wild flowers. On the way a sports car went by with David Martin and a friend: they gave us a fantastic hoot. Gorgeous walk to the church. Some of the fields looked silvery and the sky was sort of streaky and lit-up. Coming back we ran down a hill through the corn. It was so utterly glorious it should have been filmed.

London grandparents and Karolina arrived. She had fantastic shoes on: chunky ones in three colours. Discussed clothes - she’s mad on Chump’s bermudas. Fantastic fondue for dinner. New hors d’oeuvre dish for the sauces looked fantastic. Laughed a lot - about the ‘remarkableness’ of the family! Grandma and Grandpa have made it very close-knit. Karolina and me killed ourselves over Wally and the jokes he tells, though she says she’s absolutely sick of them. Pa told me one of Wally’s jokes today. Whenever they have rock cakes he goes “take your pick!” I think it’s hilarious.

Hope X is nice to me tomorrow.

An alligator Gucci Zumi, 2020 - £22,280